Am I calm?
A very true and real tale about jumping into a performance at the 11th hour
On Saturday, I was called to jump into a performance that consisted of four one-act operas with only hours notice. I was not a contracted cover. This was out of the blue. It was such a surreal experience that required a ton of adrenaline. So I wrote a fake play. Now, you might think “how very ‘main character energy’ of you,” and you’re right. But in this instance, my inner monologue is the true star of the show.
Disclaimer: some parts are edited, paraphrased and names are changed in the name of storytelling and to save any chance I might have of succeeding in this industry.
Scene 1
Kitchen of Alexa’s parents, Brooklyn. Saturday at 10 in the morning.
We open on a warm cozy kitchen. Three people and an anxious cat are gathered around the table: ALEXA, her two parents, and of course, the cat. They are waiting for a sofa delivery. She is waiting for the text, phone call, or email about the pending delivery. She opens her email to find the subject line saying: “TIME SENSITIVE.”
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Time-sensitive at 10:30 in the morning on a Saturday?
ALEXA
I just got an email from American Opera Projects and it says “time-sensitive.”
Email reads: “Our mezzo is ill, we have two more performances tonight and tomorrow. Please give me a call. - Opera Man.”
Then the phone rings. ALEXA jumps. The cat runs away and hides.
Hello?
DELIVERY PERSON
(on the phone)
Hi, we’re outside with your sofa.
ALEXA
Dad, can you let the guys in? I need to make a call.
(she calls the number in the email, OPERA MAN picks up)
Hi Opera Man, I just got your email. What’s going on?
OPERA MAN (off-stage)
Hey Alexa, thanks so much for calling. Our mezzo is ill, and you’re the only other mezzo who has seen an earlier version of the music, we might need you on standby tonight if you’re available. Are you available tonight and tomorrow?
ALEXA
Oh wow, ok. I’m available, just give me the new scores ASAP and we’ll take it from there.
OPERA MAN
That’s great! Thank you. I’ll call you back and keep you in the loop. I’ll have the music sent to you soon…. You sound so calm.
ALEXA
I try!
OPERA MAN
Talk soon, thanks again!
(call ends)
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
What the—
MOM
What’s wrong?
ALEXA
I’m on standby for a show tonight and I need to learn and relearn music that I workshopped a few months back.
They both go upstairs to check on the sofa delivery that’s being supervised by DAD.
DAD
What’s going on?
MOM
Alexa might have to go on for that opera tonight.
DAD
(in disbelief and confusion)
Wow!
ALEXA
Yeah, I don’t know. This is surreal. I gotta get to work.
End scene
Scene 2
Several hours later
BOYFRIEND stops by to provide calm and quiet support. ALEXA is at the piano with the new scores. The cat is napping beside her. She may look calm, but her brain is fighting for its life. Her parents are downstairs in the kitchen.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
This is nuts. Perfect pitch would be helpful right about now…
Phone vibrates. ALEXA jumps. The cat runs away and hides again. She opens her email, it says: “You’re on. The show is at 8, we’ll call you at 4:00 for a coaching.” She immediately feels her heartbeat in her neck.
No. Wait. What the fuck—Nahh... Shit. This is crazy. There’s no way I’m about to go on in a few hours. I can’t learn all of this, I’ll sound terrible. Wait… Am I going to sing some of this for the first time during the performance?!?! I need a shower; I feel gross. Shit, I don’t have time for a shower……..Alexa, you don’t have time for this bullshit.
ALEXA
(shouting to her folks)
I’m going on!
DAD
What?
MOM
She’s going on!
BOYFRIEND
You need to eat something.
(He’s seen her go into a hyper-focused state and lose her appetite many times)
ALEXA
I know, but I’ve already lost my appetite.
BOYFRIEND
I’m going to get you soup.
ALEXA
There’s no time for soup.
BOYFRIEND
I’m going to get you soup.
Half an hour passes. BOYFRIEND appears with said soup. The cat returns from hiding. The cat wants the soup. ALEXA starts eating the soup while the cat is stalking and harassing her for the soup. After having enough of that, she gets back to work on the scores. Suddenly, it’s time to leave, and she packs up her things.
DAD
(to BOYFRIEND)
Did she eat enough?
BOYFRIEND
Not really, but I’ve seen her do a whole lot more on much less.
End scene
Scene 3
A theater at NYU, Lower Manhattan. Late afternoon.
ALEXA arrives at the venue. She is escorted with the music director (also a jump-in) to the theater. They go straight to the piano and get to work. She is making many mistakes. She is trying not to spiral as members of the creative team are all present and watching.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Don’t spiral. You’re not superhuman, mistakes are fine. You got this. You’re doing your best. They have no show without you and they are grateful that you’re here. You’re allowed to be human.
Music coaching comes to an end. Everyone is talking a mile a minute. They’re shaking her hand, handing her dresses to try on while giving her directions. Imagine one of those film shots where the camera is stationed in the center and it spins with increasing speed to the point where everything becomes blurry and distorted.
TEAM MEMBERS
(alternating the following lines)
Thank you so much. We can’t thank you enough. You are saving this show [etc…]
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
What should I say in response to “thank you,” “you’re welcome?” Feels weird. “No problem,” doesn’t feel right. This has very much been a problem for everyone involved. Also, don’t thank me just yet. I could still crash and burn— Just smile and nod. That’s safe.
OPERA MAN
Wow, thank you again for doing this. I’m amazed at how calm you are.
ALEXA
(shrugs casually)
Well, I was a stage manager, so I figured out how to deal with stress.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Bitch, please. Every inconvenience sends you into a spiral. Please…
ALEXA
I mean, of course, I’m a bit nervous. It would be weird if I wasn’t, right?
She scurries back to the dressing room and continues to stare into her score. The cast starts to arrive.
SOPRANO
Seriously. Thank you. We would have no show if it weren’t for you.
MEZZO
I’m amazed at how calm you are.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Am I calm? Why do people think I’m calm? Why is everyone commenting on my calmness?
ALEXA
I don’t know…today was so nuts that there was almost no time to panic. I just want to make sure I’m supporting everyone on stage and that I don’t massively mess anyone up.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Sure. Easy, right?
INTERCOM
House is now open. House is now open.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Shit, I don’t even know where to enter from…Well, too late for that…
15 minutes pass
INTERCOM
Top of show with panel, half-hour to downbeat.
ALEXA heads to the restroom to warm up. The comms system is piped into the restrooms. It’s the typical pre-show speech, but of course, this one was a little different.
VOICE (off-stage)
(the voice crackles through the speaker)
In typical theater fashion, emergencies happen. Today, our mezzo fell ill. We called in Alexa Rosenberg to jump in. She had a few hours to learn the score, and she’s done a great job.
They go on for a bit, saying very kind things (the writer of this “play” feels uncomfortable being the center of attention, which is weird, considering she is an opera singer and writes about her life on this blog...).
A DIFFERENT VOICE (off-stage)
(another voice crackles through the speaker)
You can check the QR code to see Alexa’s bio. Anyways, thank you for coming, and let’s welcome our panelists.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
I don’t think I’ve ever been in a bathroom while hearing people make a speech about me… This just keeps getting weirder. It’s good they mentioned that people can find my bio online ‘cause it’s going to be the next great American novel. Wow, that’s a bad joke, boo, don’t write that one down...
She returns to the dressing room. The intros and panel discussion come to an end.
SOPRANO
Looks like we’re on!
(ALEXA follows SOPRANO and the rest of the cast to the backstage area.)
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
I’m not ready—It doesn’t matter. You got this.
End scene
Scene 4
POST-PERFORMANCE
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Dammit, I fucked up that second and third piece and I—
SOPRANO
That was amazing! You should be so proud.
ALEXA
Thank you! Sorry about scene 2…
SOPRANO
(dismissing the apology, but in a reassuring way)
Seriously, this was insane. You should be so proud!
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Oh wow, that’s really sweet of her. I can tell she means it.
OPERA MAN
(Comes up and gives ALEXA a warm hug)
Thank you so much! That was great. And you were so calm all day. We will probably need you on standby again for tomorrow. And I’ll let you know if you’re going on. But first, you should celebrate!
ALEXA
It’ll be a pretty tame night for me since I have a church gig in the morning. But I’ll see you at call tomorrow.
End Scene
Scene 5
A Catholic Church in Carroll Gardens. Sunday. 9:30 in the morning.
ALEXA arrives at church exhausted. She is anxiously checking her phone throughout the service. In the middle of the homily, she gets THE TEXT. Suddenly singing hymns and anthems becomes unbearable.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Get me out of here! I need to take a nap. I have to look over the music again. I think I have time for a shower if I book it…
The service ends and she dashes back home to be silent and study for a few hours. Once again, call is at 4. There’s another music rehearsal, more staging, more gratitude, more confusion, more stress. There’s another “places,” call, another performance, another curtain call. And then the run is over. She gets out of costume, does her rounds of goodbyes. Makes her way to the subway. Gets on the D train. Sits down with a massive exhale.
ALEXA’S INNER MONOLOGUE
Damn…I can’t believe I did that. That’s the kind of stuff that happens in movies and plays.
(she takes a moment and smiles)
I really did that.
The end.
YOU. ARE. AMAZING. What an experience! (And the world didn't even end!)
That take some serious courage!