Confidence is overrated

This one is a bit of a ramble but stay with me....

Do you remember when we were children and all adults seemed wise? Remember being a teenager and believing that people in their twenties were at the peak of self-confidence and success? Remember starting a new job feeling clueless and assuming everyone is about to unmask you for the fool that you are?

Newsflash, no one knows what they are doing. And while we are at it, no one is dwelling on all of your shortcomings, because they are too busy dwelling on their own. Self-doubt is one thing we all have in common (isn’t that nice?) Frankly, those with 100% confidence in themselves are delusional. But hear me out. Delusion doesn’t always have to be a negative trait.

Wait wait wait, Alexa, are you trying to rebrand the word “delusion” because that sounds pretty….delusional.

Yes! I mean… only a little

Let’s back up so we are on the same page. Merriam-Webster defines delusion as: “something that is falsely or delusively believed or propagated.” Ok, so that is not great…

BUT

It is also defined as “the act of tricking or deceiving someone.” That’s not great either, but as I said, let’s rebrand this. Replace the word “someone,” with “yourself.” What if the version of yourself that you are trying to deceive is the one that spews the negative self-talk? If we look at deception from that angle, it doesn’t seem harmful anymore.

Speaking from my own experience, to be an artist requires an ounce of delusion and a surplus of bravery. When I walk into an audition, I might feel a degree of imposter syndrome, but I shut that down as soon as I can. Even if I can’t find genuine confidence within myself, I just pretend. I’ll tell myself that I am spectacular, I’ll even pretend that the panel is blessed that I graced them with my presence. When one thinks about this, it’s quite goofy since these panels are listening to hundreds and hundreds of singers presenting the same four arias over a few weeks. I am no more worthy than anyone else, but if lying to myself and being a little delusional for a few minutes gets me out of the negative self-talk cycle, who cares?

The arts are a notoriously difficult field. The abundance of talented artists vying for fewer and fewer opportunities doesn’t make for an easy path. Asking for confidence can be a bit of a reach as we look out to the dismal climate that is the arts in America. There are many struggling and aspiring artists working endlessly for that big break, or even a modest and sustainable lifestyle. It’s a numbers game and thinking that hard work and discipline alone will bring success is unrealistic, and delusional. So why do we continue to pursue this grueling field? We each have a glimmer of hope that we can be the ones to make it happen. A sparkle of delusion, if you will.

If artists only focused on all the obstacles between them and a career in the arts, they’d give up. But there is a mental discipline to not succumb to these negative thoughts. Being disciplined requires some level of delusion and being delusional requires a degree of discipline.

Faking it till you make it isn’t about being confident. It’s about being a little dumb and very brave. And if a little delusion helps you to become just a smidge braver, no one is getting hurt. It’s everyone’s first time on earth. No one knows what they are doing. We are all new at this, so give yourself some grace.

And as a little post-ramble treat to those that didn’t roll their eyes at me and close the page, here is an iconic musical number about “confidence.”

As Maria says it herself, “I am seeking the courage I lack.”