Ode to an emerging opera singer in the midst of audition season

To be a performing artist is to exist in a constant state of whiplash, especially in a classical art form. We must maintain our ability to be vulnerable, but we need to maintain a tough skin. We need to practice and dedicate ourselves to the craft, but we must also release that perfectionism when it is time to audition or perform. We must freely express ourselves and fully inhabit our bodies knowing full well that everyone has an opinion about our vessel. My god, how aren’t we all artistically paralyzed?

Audition season? I don’t know her…

As audition season in the opera world is in full swing, so are the insecurities of many young opera singers. Everyone is vying for what seems like fewer and fewer paying positions. How many hours are lost from scrolling through Instagram and competitively scanning to see who is performing where. You might wonder, “why are they experiencing success and not me?” “Where is my confidence? All these artists seem to have been born with it.” “Maybe it’s Maybelline?” (Sorry!) I’ve been this insecure singer, and I still have my moments. That is why I want to share some of my thoughts around this mindset.

We cannot “mindfulness” our way out of inequity

First thing’s first; there are many barriers that exist for singers depending on their identity and background. I would rather defer to more informed and educated people on these matters. To read more about these issues, I recommend reading content by singers Tracy Cox, Zuly Inirio and Helena Colindres as well as the Soloist Collective for Emerging Artists who all speak to issues regarding Fatphobia, Anti-Blackness, economics and power dynamics and more, outside and inside of this industry (I will continue to add more content creators who are experts in their subjects, and I encourage you to add some of your favorites to the comments below.)

Birth of the insecure singer

But what I wanted to focus on today was the collective insecurity of young opera singers. Opera divas should exude confidence and ownership. Instead, they often show up to their auditions second-guessing every choice they made, including the massive risk of not wearing the same jewel-toned wrap dress as every other cosplaying opera singer in the warm-up room. 

Negativity is an evolutionary trait. We tend to erase the positives of a situation and zoom in on what we perceive as negative. This was extremely helpful pre-neolithic era when we were in constant danger from predators and/or starvation. This default is currently more unhelpful than it is useful. In addition, our society trains us to be insecure. The conservatory system is no exception.

Who benefits from your insecurity?

Most singers have been on the receiving end of abusive language from a mentor early in their education or career. Perhaps the mentor argues that it is important to learn how to have tough skin early on. They might even have the intention of helping, because they are using a tactic that they were the recipient of when they were a young artist. Look how great they turned out, right? Some of these people are just plain old jerks and they enjoy the ego trip that comes from putting down a vulnerable person. Either way, this cycle funnels out singers who only feel good about their art through external validation, verbally or economically. The best way to develop a tough skin is to truly internalize confidence. How can we be confident when confidence was never a part of your training? Find that teacher and coach that believe in you, and provide you with tools. What are the things that make you special and unique? Invest in those strengths. Run from panels and teachers who can’t see any of the positives that you have to offer. Too many of us focus on winning people over who don’t want to be won. There will always be difficult directors and conductors out there, but for goodness sake, please don’t pay someone to be mean to you!

“Comparison is the death of joy.” — Mark Twain

If we are all inherently unique, why torture ourselves by comparing our craft to someone else who is getting more work? If our artistry is different, our paths and our development will be different. A “no,” is disappointing, but it is an opportunity to shift and refocus. Our training built a habit of beating ourselves up over rejection. Rejection is nothing more than information (although not always useful or helpful.) Continue your practice, your experimentation, your risk-taking. Walk into that room and don’t apologize. Own your art, own yourself.