Showing up
I have a confession...
I’ll be honest, I’ve been feeling uninspired. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t feel like I had something to offer you this week. There’s been a lot of heaviness in the world. Sometimes I feel the pain of it all aching in my joints. Seeing loved ones suffer, feeling lost about my own artistry, experiencing great disappointment in the lack of respect and care that people have for one another takes a cumulative toll.
It’s a lot. And I have no answers or insights into any of this. I’m not sure I even have a joke to process it all.
But what I can offer is my honesty.
Social media loves to be caught up in the Oz-like illusion of joy, glamour and technicolor. I fall for those tricks, maybe I even uphold that culture at times. We’re all just sharing moments in a world of infinite unique moments. I don’t know how I’m perceived online, and I don’t really care about that anymore. I just want to show up as myself.
So here I am.
I used to feel extremely self-conscious about not coming off too quirky or sensitive. I won’t pretend that I don’t have my moments of concern for what people think of me. We all do, we’re human. But I recently made a commitment to myself to show up as Alexa. I’ve been leaning into my wild sense of humor and it feels great. I love not feeling the pressure to tone it down. Showing up can also look like honesty about feeling depleted or uninspired. It’s not a crime, and I can guarantee that you’ve all been there at least once in your life. So why the online charade of constant bliss?
This is where my honestly has led me to today, and it makes me no less of a good friend, creator, thinker, lover, doer of many miscellaneous things.
If you needed permission to be honest to yourself and the people in your life, I grant you that. We are multitudes of emotion and life energy, and there is tremendous beauty in that. You don’t have to be a damn thing for anyone and anything.
What I will grant myself is a pat on the back for sitting down and writing and showing up. Perhaps next week will be more sunny.
And now I will go for a walk in the gardens and visit the new blooms of spring.
